Better Together
When I was 17, I made a promise to myself.
I had just started my third high school in four years and once again found myself as the "new kid". My family had moved quite a bit, and I was tired. I was tired of learning a new place, a new school, and finding new friends.
I was even more tired of forming new relationships only to have to leave and experience the hurt and pain of saying another goodbye.
So, at 17, I promised that I would protect my heart. I was determined to shield my heart from hurt, and I wrapped it in an iron-clad emotional solitude as a way to fend off any further deep relationships that, in my mind, would eventually end in sadness.
If I only knew then what I know now.
While I did form many new friendships and relationships after that time, my promise not to let anyone into the innermost depths of my heart backfired in the most epic of ways.
My commitment to being off limits kept me from enjoying all of the beauty of deep and vulnerable relationships and was an obstacle to being part of a trusting and loving community.
It Is What We Are Wired For
In Genesis 1 and 2, we read the creation account where God created the earth, sky, animals, seas, and man. However, in Genesis 2:18, we read God speaking about his own creation when he says, "It is not good for man to be alone . . ."
From there, we know that God created Eve to be Adam's helper (there is so much on the word "helper", but too much to delve into. Suffice to say Eve was not created to be Adam's gopher).
This is our first indication that, as humans, we were not designed to be alone. As those created in the image of the creator, we were designed to live in community, just as God the Father does with His Son and His Holy Spirit.
True Community Demands Vulnerability
At the point that God created Eve, we see our first "community" and throughout scripture see it emphasized over and over.
In Acts 2, we read the account of the early church where Luke describes it with such phrases as "they had all things in common", "they continued with one mind", "they were sharing with them all as one had need", "they were taking their meals together".
The Apostle James takes this idea of community one step further when he commands us to "confess our sins one to another."
What we see in these verses and others is that for us to contribute and get the most from our community, we must be vulnerable. This does not mean that you have to pour yourself out to everyone you meet, but it does mean you need to have those in your close circle who know all about you and can trust you to know all about them (if you're married, this needs to begin with your spouse).
Don't Go It Alone
The well-known African proverb states, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
This could not be more accurate. As I lived my life closed off from even my dearest relationships, I went fast and eventually, I crashed and crashed hard!
I crashed hard because it is in isolation that our enemy, the devil, and our sinful flesh will do their best work on us and slowly and methodically bring us to ruin.
What I have found since opening my heart and living vulnerably is that I do not have to face my battles alone. I have a wife who knows me intimately and, every day, helps me be more like Christ, and a close-knit group of friends who encourage me and, when needed, call me out on those things that I need to shed.
If you are feeling alone and isolated, there is a good chance that you have created that environment. The good news is that there is a way out, and it begins with opening your heart and revealing who God made you to be. It is the only way to get the most from this life we have been given.
On The Journey With You,
Carlos
This edition was first published in The Life Design Newsletter on LinkedIn.