Letting Go Of The Past In Order To Step Forward

Susanne and I recently had the opportunity to spend time with someone we knew 25 years ago but back then did not have a close relationship with. At one point Susanne shared with her what she appreciated about our friend including her tender heart and joyful spirit. With those words, our friend smiled humbly and began to tell us a story of where she was years ago.  

As the story unfolded we quickly learned that the person we were experiencing now was nothing like the person of her past. She had endured deep trauma early in her life and in response to that pain, she chose and did things that hurt others deeply.

However, there is beauty in her story. Over the years as she climbed out of the hole she found herself in, she experienced healing and redemption. The people closest to her have dealt with the pain that her behavior caused them, and they chose to forgive and reconcile their relationship with her.

As we continued our conversation we were all reminded of the joy of living in the present and choosing not to live in the past which can hold us back as we continue to replay the pain and hurt. We talked about the power that forgiveness has in our lives and not for the offender, but for the one who was offended.

Yes, things will come up that remind us of hurt, but at that moment we get to choose what to do with it. It is unbelievably difficult sometimes to be looking into the face of the same person who wounded you and remember that they are not that person anymore. 

Sometimes it feels so good to hold onto hurt and pain and swear to never forgive, to never release the offense, but I am reminded by the phrase I once heard from my therapist who said, "bitterness, anger and living in the past are like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".

It may be hard, but one of the best things you can do for yourself is to keep the past in the past and forgive those who have hurt you.

I have been around people who are still complaining and speaking poorly about an ex they divorced years ago, still steaming over work colleagues or bad business deals. They continue to speak poorly of friendships and relationships that disappointed them. Not only have they not moved on; they don’t allow for space that people can change and in the process, the weight of that bitterness slowly erodes their joy.

I love the quote by Robert Plant who said, “The past is a stepping stone, not a millstone.” Let the past be just that for you, a step forward and one of forgiveness.

What will you choose today?

On the journey with you,

Carlos

This edition was first published in The Life Design Newsletter on LinkedIn.