Living In Denial
It was almost a decade ago that I stood at the sink in my hotel room, stared at myself in the mirror, and, out loud, asked, "What is wrong with you?!"
At this point in my life, I had achieved many of the things I'd worked toward, including a successful career, thriving business, financial stability, and a nice home. Yet, despite all of this, I felt empty and was seeking anything to fill the void, much of which was destructive.
I had adopted the belief that if I had success and all of the material hallmarks that demonstrated this, life would be delightful, yet it was anything but. The more I poured into myself, the more anxious, angry, disconnected, and numb I became. I truly felt that checking all the boxes would make me happy, but in that moment, I knew something was missing.
Ten years later, I think about that moment often, and now I look at my life and cannot believe where I am today, the abundance I have, and the peace that is in my heart.
So what changed?
A Call To Deny & Die
In three of the Gospels, we see Jesus make this statement to His disciples, “If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me".
This is no small thing, as in that day, everyone knew what it meant if you were carrying your cross . . . it was a death sentence. And, not just any death sentence. The cross was a torturous, brutal death that extracted every ounce of pain from its victim and prolonged death over the course of hours. It was designed to humiliate the one on it, and there was nothing about it that was attractive.
Yet, here we have Jesus telling His disciples and anyone who wants to follow Him to not only deny ourselves, but to walk to our painful, agonizing, and humiliating death.
Not exactly a tagline you would use to get people to join your movement, as it seems completely backward.
We're looking for life, and Jesus is talking about death. We want abundance, and He's asking us to deny ourselves. But here's the paradox that changes everything: the only way to find real life is to lose the life we're clinging to.
What Does It Mean to Deny Ourselves?
For years, I drank in all I was told was going to bring joy, happiness, and fulfillment, yet it did the exact opposite. It led me to a place where I was questioning my very reason for living and wondering how I was such a mess.
I had spent my life not denying myself of anything, yet here I was lacking any fulfillment, and joy was scarce. I used to think that denying myself meant giving up certain pleasures or making sacrifices here and there. But it's far more radical than that!
To deny yourself means to say no to your own agenda, your own plans, your own idea of what's best for you. It means dethroning yourself from the center of your own life. Paul captures this beautifully in Galatians 2:20 when he writes, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Notice the order: crucified first (the cross), then Christ lives in me. Death (to self), then life. It's always in that sequence.
For me, this denial of self and daily taking up my cross meant finally releasing control of my career and asking God what He wanted instead of demanding He bless my plans.
It meant dying to my need for recognition and learning to find my identity in Christ alone.
It meant letting go of my ego and need to control and recognizing that all I have is from God and I am called to be His faithful steward.
It meant recognizing that before a Holy and just God, I am a sinner and that the only way to live a freeing and fulfilling life is to put my faith in the One who took my place on the cross.
Each of these felt like a death, and there was pain in the process. Even a decade later, there are still some days when denying myself and taking up my cross is harder than others.
But through this process, I have discovered something remarkable.
The Path to Life & Abundance
The cross isn't just about what Jesus did two thousand years ago. It's about what continues to happen in my life today. When I decide to take my cross daily, when I choose to die to myself, it is then that there is space for Christ to live through me, which is the only good that is in my sinful self.
Taking up your cross and following Jesus doesn't mean our problems disappear or that life becomes comfortable. Jesus never promised that. In fact, He said, "In this world you will have trouble." But He follows that with these incredible words: "But take heart! I have overcome the world."
What Jesus does promise is a life of abundance. We see this in John's Gospel where He says, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
The abundant life Jesus offers isn't found in avoiding hardship; it's found in having Him with us through it. It's knowing that even in the midst of trials, we're held by someone greater than ourselves. It's experiencing peace that makes no sense to the outside world. It's discovering that when we stop living for ourselves, we finally start truly living.
Worth It All
Dying to ourselves is costly, in the sense that it goes against every instinct we have. Our culture tells us to pursue our dreams, follow our hearts, accumulate more, and live our truth. But Jesus offers us something infinitely better: His purpose for us, His heart in us, and His truth that sets us free.
The abundant life Jesus promises in John 10:10 isn't found by adding more to our lives: more success, more comfort, more control. It's found by subtracting ourselves and allowing Christ to be our life.
So if you find yourself feeling empty despite having achieved so much, or if you're exhausted from trying to build a life that satisfies, may I encourage you to consider the cross? Not as an ending, but as a beginning. Not as loss, but as the path to finding everything you've been searching for.
Die to yourself, and discover what it truly means to live, and if you want to talk it through, put some time on my calendar.
Running the race with you,
Carlos
This edition was first published in The Life Design Newsletter on LinkedIn.