Stop Trying To Forgive Yourself

"How did you get to a place where you were able to forgive yourself?"

A close friend of mine asked me this question as we spoke on the phone recently. There were some things in their past that they were not proud of and while they had reversed course in their lives, they were still holding onto the guilt and shame from those choices.

It turns out that forgiving yourself is a hot topic. There is no shortage of books, articles, podcasts and videos that exist all with the purpose of guiding us to a place of self-forgiveness. It is probably why my friend was surprised when I replied to the question with "I didn't and I don't have to."

Your Already Forgiven

It is clear in Scripture that we are commanded to forgive when we have been wronged. However, Scripture never speaks about the idea of forgiving ourselves.

Why?

Because our forgiveness has already been granted.

In his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul states the following, "In Him (Jesus) we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace."

It is because of Christ's redemptive and sacrificial work on the cross, that I have already been forgiven and there is nothing more that I can do to earn any more forgiveness which underscores the richness of His grace.

Just Own It!

Yes, we have forgiveness and this is a glorious truth. However, there is more to it.

In his epistle, John writes the following, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

What God really wants from us is ownership.

First, we need recognize our own sinfulness. This is an act of humility that is available to all of us and when we resist, we are simply in a state of delusion.

Secondly, we need to confess our sins to the Lord; in essence we need to own our stuff with no qualifiers or justifications. God, through John, tells us that He wants us to come to him and acknowledge our wrong doing so He can apply the forgiveness that was made possible at the cross."

I Don't Remember

I understand that we will often feel guilt or regret for some of our past decisions. I believe this is healthy and a gift from the Lord because it will often be the thing that prevents us from repeating the same mistakes.

However, I do not have to dwell on my past actions or go through my own emotional and mental gymnastics in an attempt to forgive myself.

But here is the catch - the one who does not remember our transgressions; the one who does truly forget our sin once we confess, is none other than God Himself!

David knew this all too well. In the Psalms David is writing about God's "unfailing love for those who fear Him" when he wrote "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." This truth is also found in Isaiah when God says He "will not remember our sin."

I understand the feeling that can come when we think about some of our wrong doings and sinful actions. These are memories that will come storming back into our conscience and if we are not careful can quickly derail us and thrust us into an emotional spiral. However, if you really want to begin living; accept the full grace that is afforded by Christ and experience the beauty and freedom that He provides through His forgiveness.

On The Journey With You,

Carlos

This edition was first published in The Life Design Newsletter on LinkedIn.