Thirty Years In The Making

It was more than thirty years ago when I stood in front of our guests at the front of the church in California, held the hand of my amazing wife and slid a ring on her finger as I vowed to "love, honor and cherish her until death parted us." When the pastor who officiated the ceremony asked if I would "take Susanne to be my lawfully wedded wife?" I gladly and enthusiastically said "I do".

That was an amazing day and one that neither of us will ever forget. However, when I look back at that 23 year old young man who barely had to shave, there is so much I want him to know. There is so much that he has yet to learn about those vows, his wife, the commitment he made and what God has called him to as a husband.

This wisdom that I want this young groom to acquire is wisdom I have learned over the years and through my many mistakes. Yet, it is wisdom that was as readily available then as it is now.

This wisdom is found in two of my favorite authors of scripture, Paul and Peter and after 30 years I know that when I heed their commands, that my life is exponentially better and my wife, if she co-authored this newsletter would certainly say the same.

A Command to Love

In Ephesians 5, Paul gives this exhortation to husbands when he says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"

That is some kind of love and surely is more than just the feeling of butterflies that many mistake for love.

The kind of love that Paul calls us to is sacrificial, selfless, relentless and unconditional. It is the kind of love that demands that within my marriage, my wife is ALWAYS first and I joyfully and wholeheartedly serve her with everything that I have.

It is a love that is not predicated on her actions, but on mine. It is a love that says "for better or worse" I will show up and love her as Christ does me, through the good, the bad, the ugly and the ups and downs.

This is transformational love and one that as a husband I am called to live out daily. You could say that Paul was calling all husbands to make this one of the foundational pillars of their Life Design plan.

How Can I Love Like That?

Paul never said this love would be easy. I am human and there are many times that I fail to love my wife the way Christ loves me. In these times I am thankful for forgiveness and second chances, as it allows me to learn and try again.

However, I believe the Apostle Peter gave us men some insight to being able to love this way and continually grow in it. In his first letter Peter says this, "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. "

Peter is by no means demeaning women by calling them weaker. What he is doing is calling all husbands to step up with his command, that when applied, can change the course of our lives and our marriages for the better.

The word Peter uses for "understanding" is translated as seeking to know as in an investigation, especially in the spiritual sense.

If he were writing today, Peter may well say, "If you want a great marriage, study your wife and learn all there is to know about her, what makes her tick and what's in her heart. And, understand she is a fellow heir to the riches you have in Christ!"

A Delightful Outcome

It took me far longer than I would like to admit to begin to live out these commands in my marriage. However, since I have lived this way I can say that my marriage and my life has never been better!

This does not mean that my marriage is perfect; it will never be given we are both flawed individuals. However, what my wife and I have experienced is a joy, a trust, a playfulness and a marriage of abundance, even through the hard times and even when we fail.

This outcome should come as no surprise; for when we follow the blueprint that God has laid out for us, especially in our marriages, we will find a life of immense beauty and happiness.

On the journey with you,

Carlos

This edition was first published in The Life Design Newsletter on LinkedIn.